I am not sure where to exactly put this.
I know I will not be able to get all my thoughts out of what I think right now on this but I would like to start it.
Do you ever wonder about the play of yourself in dysfunction as well as others in the dysfunction (I know many of us do)
Perhaps right now I am just so angry that I am turning very bitter- but at the same time it makes complete sense to me on this idea.
My first topic right now is the dysfunction that I play in society by working at a corporation that laid off tens of thousands of people, to higher in jokers and people like me (Jokers I say - that is right, people that just mess around, just to fill the spot-- People like me that would had been great in the 50's that even though no education they had the drive to learn the new stuff, the drive to keep learning the new job even if the had no back ground in it-- and to keep trying and caring) People like me in this day in age as well as People in general that try are used and abused by the companies.
I don't want to get too off topic so will try to get to the main point of my thinking.
I am what one of my high school buds would have called a "scab"; Corporation laid off Educated people or people of the job that had been in it for years that had good experience, for a contractor to come and take their place for a considerable amount of lower pay.
Corporation still has some of the corporate personnel but less of them- and oh don't think they are not getting screwed over- yeah they have so far kept their spot but over the last like 5 years one Company Employee told me that he has lost 30% of his pay with in those 5 years *and! insurance benefits due to "trimming the fat" --
And the Scabs- I mean contractors like myself- Well- we were not much worth anything so Surprise -- We are furloughed with a day notice of it starting and the Upper Managers (Not so big but big enough if that makes sense) DO try their best with caring- they know that we are needed, they fought last year to cut the 3 weeks for one month, and god knows how many weeks for the last quarter so we all could work... I don't know if they will be able to do that this year- but it does show that they DO care a little I understand that but -- at the same time the companies employees- every quarter someone (ones) are "let go of" to meet the quota- basically it will come down to drawing straws on who will go--
Some may say- why would a corporation do this-- They are over seaing a lot of the jobs-- I hate to say it but it is killing America right now with doing this--
Also the Big CEO Does not Care About the GROWTH OF the Company- The CEO Only Cares about his few years in his/her chair to bank out and leave the mess for someone else-- so many are hurt with this--- I get angry with it as well as others do as well.
On To My Opinion- Lets Not Make this Political RIGHT- And Not Trying TO But My Point comes with all of this--
By me staying at my job and being me with caring and doing my very best to make sure all is done and good- I am actually hurting not only my fellow company co-workers with well look- there is a fool that will do all the work and we pay them so much less... Not only that but also I am contributing the dysfunction of the economy right now with staying here-
I know LITTLE OLD ME can't be much if I up and quit I KNOW.... AND by means, I have joked with plenty of people about Mutinies but we can't due to we do need a job... but at the same time-- it is a lovely thought.
Mentally this bothers me... I contribute due to not "happily at a job I love" but that I need one..
It has bothered me that I am in a place of some one that used to have a job here, got paid well, and the company screwed them over-- and Now in away I screw them over with contributing to this.
I like the actual job-- but due to the lack of pay, education with many people (brain cells with others), lack of management really caring besides keeping things going-- it makes it a very toxic work place as far as people and management.
It surprises me sometimes that the Company Employes Some of them think of me as one of them and not a contractor due to I am not like so many of the contractors- I actually at some points take 'pride' in what I do. The other contracotrs though can be rather toxic- they lie and do other htings that are so triggering to me... Management for Contractor side is so poor that it is triggering-- Even up to the top -- they don't care unless Law Suit is being said and pulled and in the works for them to change something-- IDK If i can do that. Little old me that always gets knocked down-- i try to keep proof but I get 'depressed' at times and loose hope and either lose or forfit my fight. It does come down to MY Fault on that which is another subject.
Which that helps to contribute to my own personal problems!
sigh....
I could go on with this but then it would be a rant right? or have I already crossed that line?
My Next Topic is a very sensitive topic so I will be brief on it.... My S/O and I-- I keep wondering how we both contribute to dysfunction to our problems--
I know we both have our flaws and greatness' no doubt-- but I have to wonder some times...
I guess a last topic right now, would be me contributing to my own dysfunction- I have been having a hard time here these last few hours of believeing IT IS ALL MY Fault of NOT Unlearning the "Negative things from Childhood" with at points being confused on what to do/where to go with things due to upbringing taught me some thing else and I guess some where (Barney maybe?
) taught me that perhaps it is not that bad (I.e. To Trust another, to open up, to be human)..... I am learning slowly that this is ok, not everyone is going to burn me but yet there are several people out there that will.... however-- My S/O (A Greatness' of his) has helped me a lot with this-- I opened up to him, I trusted him, -- however I see the lack of trust on his side to me-- I at times have to wonder- does this really help me-- he tells me that he trusts me but he wont talk like i do- he has feelings
(that last was a joke due to he can be so distant sometimes).... I know he has feelings, he can show that side at times too but he is so easily shut off as well by his own means at times... it can be hard for me to fully trust him then at times on my part. I am sure that PTSD from side helps with this.
I guess maybe I should make a list of what I feel I contribute to dysfunction.. and what I feel the outsiders contribute to mine huh?
Ok I am running the timer, and have to go but there are my thoughts at the moment... any input or others that want to rant with me?
