I honestly I do want help and need it

So I noticed the following issues I personally am having:

1) havent had any 'guy friends' for 10 years since college

2) feel uncomfortable in the alpha-male environment of gyms & bars.
either too insecure or I try to be like them but it never works.

3) cant seem to get myself to be into sports or drinking whatsoever

4) have a phobia of male barbers touching me. will only go to female

5) cant stand male roommates and crave only female ones. cant stand the smell and mess of a guys room. it disgusts me. and I feel threatened. feelings of insecurity "triggered".

6) in school, simply could not fit in with the boys. too anorexic looking. always look like Im about to get beat up. was picked on too.

7) obsessed with girls to the point of spite and slight jealousy of them,
while also wanting to constantly be with them or "be them".. as a
reaction to the above perhaps. as an escape into somewhere I feel
safe and comforted and secure.

8) Very strong fetish for 19 year old white girls. I am 31. I cannot take
my eyes off them. what they wear. their feet and toes. their hair.
their friends. how they talk. what they do. trying to get with them.
feeling such high level of comfort around them, like I am one of them.
fantasizing about having slumber parties and sleepovers with them.
tickling them. playing with them innocently. taking it 'further' with them.
my first real serious hookup was 19 when I was 25 and I felt such
bliss and comfort/safety in her arms and felt like equals.

9) really dont get along with my father. he is verbally abrasive/abusive
and we have a serious disconnect. my uncles are similarly brutish men
from the old world who drink and smoke and are "guys' guys".

10) no siblings. mother left at a young age. was a shy, lonely child who
just drew pictures and watched a lot of TV/movies. TV was best friend.

11) when I see couples around town. I feel jealous and spiteful and think what is she doing with "That guy" he looks like a total turd. My uncomfort with men turns into quiet hatred for what he has.. her in his arms.

So Here are some innocent questions to ponder:

* What exactly is my problem?
* How can I change this problem?
* Is it caused by social awkwardness during high school?
* Not getting into sports at a young age?
* Issues at home growing up?
* Not having had a high school or college sweetheart? Is that it?
* what is this personality disorder called?
* is this potentially affecting my dating and meeting 'normal' women?
* is it a personality disorder I havent heard of?
* have You had this or known someone like me?