I usually find myself dreaming a lot. Sometimes, I wonder if the dreams are real and not just another vision my mind created. Ever since I can remember, I have had these dreams that are endless and sometimes very terrifying. My dreams have nearly destroyed all I have to grip what is normal and what is not. It's as though I'm always dreaming in circles. There was one dream I had within in dream that made me think. I discussed this dream a little on these boards when I first entered the forum.
The dream was a dream where I was a child in school. I dreamt I strived hard to gain all the knowledge I could so that I could grow up and become a responsible, independant, adult. But in the same dream I had a dream which let me see into the future. It was a terrifying future. I saw all the monsters who entered my memories including the real life monsters who took advantage of my illness and bullied me until all I could do was hold back my screams and pray for a rescue. I saw all the careers I wanted to try being flushed away because I was mentally ill. I saw that all the education in the world would not save me from my illness. I got to see how the future world would treat me as though my illness was like lepracy. In the dream amongst the dream I saw that my future would be filled with disapointments and ignorance. I saw my life living every moment with an illness that could strike at any time.
You know what? I'm 40 years old and I have lived through many situations that have crippled me with fear. Had I gotten the oppertunity to glance into my future before graduating, with honors, I might have chosen a different path in life. I probably would've chosen to end my life at that time if I knew my future was going to be filled with pain.
I can honestly see that I am glad I never got the chance to glance into my future, because life is worth living even though this darn illness makes me feel alone. Life has it's ups and downs but that doesn't mean one has to give up on believing that some day someone will see me and not my illness. Never give up!!
BabyDoe

The world is a huge puzzle and we, humankind, are the pieces of this puzzle. I wish we all could work together to find our proper places then the world would be a big beautiful masterpiece.