Trust and security are a BIG thing for me and I suspect for a lot of other females.

Biologically, I think this makes sense -- for a female to reproduce there is a lot more time and commitment involved with pregnancy, gestation, birth, and care of an infant. Socially, the consequences of sex are also far more greater and a female is more likely to be stuck with the care of an infant on their own than a male. I think this is why females are a little more programed to be cautious when it comes to sex.

It's not that I don't think women can just get turned on by men the way men are turned on by women. I just think that the "turn off" of a guy who hasn't yet proven their trustworthiness is enough to smother their sexual drive when thrust in a position where they have to make a choice whether or not to have sex with someone.

My personal experience: I feel as though in some ways I have a stronger sex drive than my boyfriend because I can go several days in a row wanting it when my boyfriend tends to get a lot more "sex'd out" than me. I look at porn on my own time and I have no issue being turned on by these strangers.

However, my strong sex drive can still vanish within seconds when I suddenly feel an inkle of 'distrust.' This generally happens in scenarios where my boyfriend may perceive me as trying to blame him for little "wrongs" that I created, such as when I explained to him one morning that I felt uncomfortable knowing I agreed to have **** for the first time only when I was wasted drunk. I told him that I wasn't angry, just that it made me uncomfortable and I wanted him to avoid having sex with me if I'm too hammered to think about what I'm doing (I only asked if he had a condom on 20 minutes into sex.) Unfortunately, he interpreted this as me blaming him or being unrealistically emotional about my sexual demands.

I don't really distrust my boyfriend, to say. I understand that this feeling is irrational and illogical, and likely make no sense to any guy. But how can I be expected to think rationally about something as irrational as sexual attraction? I think sexual attraction and security are two instincts that are tied very closely with a lot of chicks.

If you think about it, you never chose what turns you on (or off). Neither did women! The worst thing you can do to a chick is treat her like it's her fault because she asks for a feeling of security. Furthermore, don't take it as her trying to blame you because she is trying to explain her personal need to feel safe.