Well as a guy I may be the odd man out but that sense of comfort and security is a driver for me too!
So when she doesnt give me that hug on the first date or doesnt want to hold each other, I feel hurt and confused by her brushoff.
She is brushing me off because her trust in me is not high enough yet, even though I have developed enough trust in her to want to cuddle right away.
A similar social dynamic occurs when I am quick to ask a girl's number at the park because I am trusting and open with her, while she is hesitant and not quite there with me.
I dont know I guess I assume since I yearn for that female closeness that she conversely will just easily reciprocate that in the same timeframe, and the delay in closeness can be hurtful to a guy like me who needs to feel safe & secure in her "female" arms.
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Originally Posted by Odee
Trust and security are a BIG thing for me and I suspect for a lot of other females.
Biologically, I think this makes sense -- for a female to reproduce there is a lot more time and commitment involved with pregnancy, gestation, birth, and care of an infant. Socially, the consequences of sex are also far more greater and a female is more likely to be stuck with the care of an infant on their own than a male. I think this is why females are a little more programed to be cautious when it comes to sex.
It's not that I don't think women can just get turned on by men the way men are turned on by women. I just think that the "turn off" of a guy who hasn't yet proven their trustworthiness is enough to smother their sexual drive when thrust in a position where they have to make a choice whether or not to have sex with someone.
My personal experience: I feel as though in some ways I have a stronger sex drive than my boyfriend because I can go several days in a row wanting it when my boyfriend tends to get a lot more "sex'd out" than me. I look at porn on my own time and I have no issue being turned on by these strangers. However, my strong sex drive can still vanish within seconds when I suddenly feel an inkle of 'distrust.'
I don't really distrust my boyfriend, to say. I understand that this feeling is irrational and illogical, and likely make no sense to any guy. But how can I be expected to think rationally about something as irrational as sexual attraction? I think sexual attraction and security are two instincts that are tied very closely with a lot of chicks.
If you think about it, you never chose what turns you on (or off). Neither did women! The worst thing you can do to a chick is treat her like it's her fault because she asks for a feeling of security.
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