Well, I am not going to "spank you" verbally for being angry and frustrated about your not being successful in finding a loving partner. And considering the fact that in this group of forums the two busiest forums are the Relationships, and Depression forums, it would be safe to say that you are truely not the only one that struggles with finding, or trying to maintain a relationship with the opposite sex. And I am sure there are problems in same sex relationships as well.

And in the Relationship forum, there are a lot of questions that start with, why are men so, or why are women so, or what is wrong with me? And it can run a gamit of emotional reactions that are anywhere from "someone who is angry and frustrated" at the opposite sex, to someone who is past that part and onto taking all that anger inward to a point where they are now "severely depressed" and don't even want to get out of bed anymore.

I was thinking this morning about how all this trouble really began to take off to where so many truely struggle today. I thought about how men and women were originally doing this "relationship" thing. And I thought about how the male went out all day hunting, even did this with other men so there was a better chance at obtaining food. And how the women were more in a place where they were with the offspring and waiting for this food to enter onto the scene so they could prepare it to eat. And the women also had to learn how to make the protective warm clothing for the family and how that really filled her days. And then when we learned to grow crops, well, the men were still out all day tending to that, while again the women kept the home/shelter and cooked and tended to the children and still kept the clothing and blanket making etc, that took her all day. So, there was never really a lot of time to talk and have the kind of relationships we have today. For a very LONG time, women had their roles and men had their roles too. Even the wealthy maintained that role playing to a certain extent.

Well, then came the womens movement because women wanted more rights and they wanted to be educated and have a say in this man's world too. And that happened when women had more time to actually think about more than cooking and making clothing and just surviving everyday. After all women ARE intelligent by their own right.

So, we have gotten to a point now where this change is really effecting how women select men and think about family life overall. And because women are groomed by their mothers and they are designed to learn from their mothers and also learn where mom might have made the wrong choice in a male partner and suffered for it, women now have changed. Women that are now in their 20's and 30's are a lot more independant and they don't want to be caught in an unhappy marriage and they want to be more independant. So women themselves are not so quick to make a big commitment to a husband and even having children. And for the families where women are in their 50's and 60's, the parents of these 20's and 30's, there was a lot of "divorce". There were a lot less women and men that actually worked on their relationship and communication skills, and they just opted out when things got challenging.

So, a big part of this "relationship challenge" is not just you anthony, this is something many are discovering a difficulty with. And while you have a very "real" frustration shared by many others, we cannot really put the "blame" all on women.
Women are not doing this on purpose, they actually are not sure what they want right now. That clear definition that used to exist is only a small residue of what it used to be. And though there is the "drive" in women "hormonally" to feel that need to settle and procreate, there is also that desire for "independance" tugging on their psychie as well. And men are still motiviated to follow that same pattern they always followed. And yet they are also being influenced towards a "peterpan" sentiment too. And men can wait longer to "settle down with one mate" because they don't have that cut off age when bearing children is either "very risky" or "just not viable anymore" like women have.

And the other thing that is also happening is that the young women and men, even as young as preteens, are being BRAIN WASHED with constant images of WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL AND WHAT IS HANDSOME and desirable. It is actually getting pretty sicking because very few people can "look like" these airbrushed altered perfect images that are everywhere we look. And on top of that, these images leave little up to the imagination, so it is not just about clothes, but about standing in front of a mirror naked and critiquing what nature itself provided. Well, that is totally INSANE, yet we continue to present these unrealistic images.

No wonder we are fighting obesity more than ever before, if we sit all day and get inindated with images we cannot possibley attain, who wouldn't just give in and eat to fill some strange constant "void". No wonder why so many teens battle depression. Honestly we are driving ourselves crazy with images that are not really natural. And so a guy who can't look like Richard Gere is it? isn't going to get the girl? And girls think they have to have a Richard Gere to show off too? Wow, that is pretty sick if you ask me.

And so what if someone does get a Richard Gere, then what? Well, what comes next, oh, a relationship, WHATS THAT? OMG, did we forget something?, Oh yeah, we forgot to learn about what that is, yeah we didn't see that on any bill board or magazine cover did we? Oh wait a minute, lets see, um what goes with Richard Gere, um he has a good money job, and he has a sports car and um, yeah gotta have the right clothes, and um what am I missing, um do I need a a yes a ROLEX yeah. Ok, I think I am looking pretty good LETS GO FIND Jaylo. And Jaylo? Well, I think she is free now because her Richard Gere didn't pan out.

What is going to help if we don't get Jaylo? We have the internet and an asortment of dating services now, lets go see if we can find Jaylo.

What is wrong with this picture, when someone isn't finding a relationship, who should we blame?

I had to stop this post and do something, so I came back to add to it. I just wanted to talk about the fact that you are not alone in the relationship struggle and frustration anthony, so it is important to not "blame" women for this. My daughter is only a couple of years younger than you and in her graduating class most of her peirs parents were divorced. And my daughter has been in a relationship with a guy for 8 years and she still is not ready to make that big time comitment. And many of her friends that have, are very unhappy and stuck in some way. So it isn't something one just "jumps into" anymore.

Also the economic climate is very troubling right now and that makes is hard to feel settled enough where a relationship is going to seem attractive and workable because your age group is challenged that way as well.

So, I understand your impatience and frustrations, but you are truely not alone in that. You do have some personal changes to make as well. You cannot help it if you didnt get to observe a working relationship growing up either. However, even in that you are not alone so don't go thinking you are unworthy in that sense either. It IS a challenge today to find someone and have a good relationship. And it is important that you don't look at the people that "seem" to be enjoying relationships and see something more than what is really there too. Just because you see others in relationships doesn't mean they are in a "good and healthy" relationship. And if you do find a female it is important that you don't send off vibes that you want to control her either. Haste makes waste, always remember that.

Open Eyes