Oh (((Tinkerbell))) - I am so sorry you are thinking those things right now.

I know it can be so painful when someone so close dies, we look for reasons / blame, it is a natural part of grief to do that. But NONE of those things were your fault and none of those things that you say others think are true - you are not evil, you have been so incredibly brave.

What would you say to me if I had posted your post?

Be gentle with yourself, I think it is at times like these, when that becomes even more important.

Thinking of you - Soup