You don't necessarily have to do anything with this new insight, Granite. You can be curious about it and explore it more, or just acknowledge it and put it aside for some other time (or not). You can tell T about it, or you can shelve it. If you decide not to look at it for now, you can look at it at any time in the future (if you choose to!)

No, you are not a horrible person.
You were a kid, trying to do the best with what you were given.
Be gentle with you.