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Aug 16, 2012, 08:25 AM
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My brain is way too beaten to a mystified pulp to go into details and the thing is it’s what I did to it or what it did to me I don’t know who or what is in control of me?
And I mean that it’s beyond me I cannot keep up what I write here is meaningful one moment and meaningless the next it’s insane!
Take this place…this two dimensional world where we unload like…well just like I’m doing right now!...it’s full on it’s intense it’s not attention seeking but it is reaching out for attention….and this is terrifying enough!...
…we cannot play down our mis-fortunes, agonies mis-understandings and generally our utter unluckiness….as well as …of course…our progress….humour and excitements
Life is hard tricky and beautiful and I don’t realise this often enough…
For…I expect to know what to do all the time I punish myself I hate every effort I make to understand what to do when this is the first time I have done this life thing. I feel like I’m letting myself down because I don’t know why I act the way I do get upset the way I do get angry the way I do
The things that have hurt me are too far away in my mind to damage me like they did in the beginning but also they are so distant I cannot fix them!....this is natural…apparently….and yet I still have twisted visions when I am supposed to be resting…
I am damaged it’s an evolving pain it takes a piece of me every day
So???...what the hell keeps me going each day??
I will tell you what I do after I’ve done it
In the meantime I will just cross the black gap float down to another level
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