Anthony,

As I mentioned, it is very important that you make sure you take a realistic look at what is taking place in today's "relationship scene". You have a lot of anger and frustration going and a lot of that is directed at women. That is the wrong place to direct your frustrations, and that is what your father did and why your mother left him. So, learn from that as something "not" to do.

As an individual, you were raised without the comfort of parents that interacted and connected to each other. And you didn't have them give that interaction and connection to you either. When this happens, sometimes a child can turn out to be a very resentful "man" and instead of just seeing the people his parents were, even what it was that caused his mother to leave and even walk away from her child, somehow things can get distorted to "blaming all women". And the same rings true for female children that have a troubled abusive "father" and also see their mother's unhappy and struggling. And, unfortunately, there was a lot of that anthony in your parent's generation.

Your question here is "What "type" of girl should I "chase" and what type of girl should I "avoid"?

First of all, there should be NO "CHASING". And what comes "first" is "self evaluation". Because if you are looking for a "mother" in your relationship, then you will never find it. And you have to make sure that you have not imprinted your "fathers" negetive views and manerisms as well. And that is something that we all do unknowingly, we all tend to take on the moods and preducices of our parents without even realizing it.

Now, my own daughter as I mentioned is not a girl that would ever be in the bars, dating services, or places you go "chasing girls". In fact, whenever my daughter went to a bar with her friends, she would dance and even flirt with guys, however, the rule was that none of these guys were going to be dated or let in beyond maybe a dance etc. And that whole rule came from the fact that she knew these guys were just trolling for chicks and a lay. So my daughter very rarely went to bars etc. And my daughter hates the whole dating scene to be honest. She feels that it is just a meat market and very shallow and fake.

My daughter is in a relationship but it is not making her 100% happy. Her boyfriend, like my husband, is a binge alcoholic. Her boyfriend is very controling and judgemental as well. She is attracted to him, but he is a very difficult guy, yet he does love animals. Unfortunately my daughter saw me work on my marriage because my husband was a good man, but he had some significant problems. And I was afraid of that, I was afraid that when I chose to work on my marriage, it would teach her to do the same. If I chose divorce she would have been devastated and she would not have had the lifestyle she had either. And by the way, my daughter doesn't like tall men, or Richard Gere types.

What you "don't" understand is that if you go "girl chasing" in the same places, you will tend to be around very similar kinds of girls. And girls these days, many of them come from broken families too. So they have a tendency to be confused about relationships as well.

First, you have to work out the issues that your parents gave you. You really do, because if you don't your perception of "what girl to chase" will be way off. AND, you will get frustrated, fail, and end up right where you are, blaming women and thinking that they are "users and unreasonable". Do you want to end up like your father? Because yes he is a work hound etc, but he is an angry man that somehow feels shortchanged and angry and he can't even sit and talk with his own son without ending up just yelling at his son. Well, how bad is that? Yes, that is bad.

Do you even have a relationship with your mother? Because you have not talked about her at all. And I wonder if you are angry with her, thinking she deserted you and that is also important for you to work through, because the reasons for that is not about you being unworthy of a woman loving you. And your "strong need for that in your life" is twisted and distorted because of your own mother. And this is very common in men and it interferes with any "good relationship" with any woman.

This Richard Gere in the movie "American Giggilo" you are talking about, that is a fictional charector. That is not a real good portrayl of what women want in a man.
That is some writter's imagination going to write about something that an audience might find different and entertaining. And that is similar to "Sex in the City" which portrays women as "looking for good sex in a man" and "their adventures figuring out who Mr, Right might be". And "most" men get very turned off by "Sex in the City".
However there "are" some points made in that program that touch on some areas that women think about when considering a male partner. But a lot of liberties are taken which can lead men to thinking all women are like these charectors, so only a small portion of what they say and feel should be considered. And "most" men who like to control, "pick the passive innocent charector" as their favorite. That is the one my daughter's boyfriend likes, interesting to know.

A relationship is "not" boy meets girl, boy and girl have jobs, they kinda like each other and end up having sex, boy marries girl, boy works his job, girl works her job, come home, girl makes dinner they talk about work, maybe watch a little TV, have sex, go to sleep and repeat this all over again each day. Because eventually boy and girl get bored.

What the best case scenario is, boy and girl meet while doing something they have passion for, other than work. Maybe girl loves horses because hundreds of them do, and she meets a boy that also loves horses and they share that love together. Maybe on the weekends they ride their horses together, maybe they trail ride together or show the horses in horse shows together and learn about it together. Maybe it is something different like "sailing" where boy and girl enjoy doing that together. Maybe it revolves around biking or art, or dancing or the love of realestate and the love of fixing things up or the love of architecture and design or music or writing and there can be a long list of passions. That is something that a relationship can flourish around that is not just about "his job, her job" and that daily routine that isn't really about passion and common interest at all.

What is "anthony's passion"? What do you like in life that you enjoy doing. And don't say girls or chasing girls, because if that is all you do in your spare time, then you will never enjoy a healthy relationship.

AND, if you go fishing for girls in places that I or others suggest just to find a new place to "chase" girls, you still will come up empty because all you would be doing is going to a different area and saying "here I am, ready for you to love, cuddle, apprecitate and take care of my needs, because I am a "good" guy". Anthony, girls are "not" interested in that kind of relationship. That is what your father wanted and when it didn't work, he grew angry and resentful towards everyone. And somewhere in his mind if he works hard enough and has a home and money then he deserves to have a woman "wait on him and love him and be greatful she found him".

Sigh....so many men have it so wrong.

What kind of relationships have a greater tendency to work are relationships where boy and girl and even gay partners share passions and interests with. And there cannot be pretend, they have to genuinely like to step out and enjoy doing things together. And when that happens they learn to learn together, interact based on how they think about what they are learning and be able to say for example, when we went sking today I found that I actually do better in less packed power on the slops or I am trying to improve the way I criss cross down the slop, and the other partner says, yeah me too, but how about you try what I learned and they go back to the slope and try something different. That is a relationship that "works". So while they have their jobs etc, when they get home they say, "So this weekend lets take our horses up to Mount Sky and see what those trails are like because Low Valley was nice but the footing was too rocky and my horse is a bit foot sore, but next month I was thinking about taking the whole weekend and going to Vermont to that bed and breakfast with our horses and catch that fall foliage". Anthony, that is what a relationship is about and it has nothing to do with "chasing girls". It is a boy is doing something he loves to do, and he meets a girl doing that same thing and they get to talking and "join up" and do it together and they find out that they do it well together and they like it and become friends and they fall in love.

And if this boy and girl happen to have children, they just teach the children how this relationship thing works and the children become part of lets go here this weekend and do this as a family.

Open Eyes