(((Trippen))

You have to understand something, your brother has been in denial for as many years as you have. Any reaching out to you has been in some guilt about what he did as well. But he was never expecting you to remember really what he did. And for several years he built up his own denial about maybe you didnt really know what he was doing to you. And you never really talked about it either so he figured that his nine year old little sister just didn't get that hurt by what he did to you.

Well, now that you blurted this out, he is at a loss. He was never really prepared for this to come out like this. And a big part of him buried that experience. That is what happens a lot when siblings invade their siblings sexually. My brother never talks about what he did to me. In fact I have not seen or talked to him in many years.

Your brother has no idea how to respond to this coming out. And yes, part of him is going to just want to continue to be in denial and use your bipolar issues as you being crazy and needing to lash out and it was just "his turn" etc.

When I said that you have to "free" you and He has to "free himself" that is the way it has to happen. And there can be a significant period where "he" may just hang onto "his" denial. "He" has to come to a point where he is "willing" to finally just let out that "he" did make a big mistake and did severely "trespass on you in a very bad way". And he would have to truely be capable of "having remorse" as well. So this all depends on if he has that capacity in him.

This is a very challenging area when it comes to family members that "molest" their siblings or even children or relatives. And usually the denial is so strong that real "justice" doesn't happen and other family members are left to figure out "who to believe" and they too "may want to stay in denial".

One of the biggest reasons why children "don't talk or tell" is because they feel that it may destroy the family and the desire for "family to stay together" is very strong. And there may already be a sense of fragility in the family already so there can be a genuine fear about telling that may lead to more family trouble. That is what I felt growing up. I was afraid that if I told it would all come down on my brother who was already being severely diciplined for whatever was wrong with him, and that if he suffered even more because of me, he would cross the threshold of anger and could "kill me". I really felt that so I gave in and did my best to try to not be available to him somehow. I spent a lot of time way up in some evergreens where he could not find me. I almost died of phemonia because I was often very cold up in those trees.
And because I was under so much stress, I was always getting sick and experiencing trouble with my digestive track as well. But during that time I never realized that.

You have taken the first step and that WAS a big deal. And I am sure you have alot of confusing feelings about it. And how are family members going to react? That is an unknown too. This is definitly a challenge so everything you are feeling right now is very "understandable". I have been in that place and in many ways am in that place now, and how people have responded to that information has been an asortment of sympathy but also is used as, "don't blame me for how you are struggling, a lot of this is your brother's fault and because you didn't tell".

As I mentioned, my husband will say, "No wonder you had a hard time with what I did to you, you were already messed up so that is why you struggled to handle what I did to you". And that is such a low blow to me when he says that to me. My husband being an alcoholic and playing those denial mind games with me and cheating on me and me feeling unsafe was every bit hard to deal with even if I didn't have a difficult history of abuse. I really resent people using my history as an excuse of how I struggled to deal with "their issues". Even my attorney uses what he knows about me as an excuse of me being unstable and too emotional to cover up his mistakes. Grrr, yes I am definitely struggling but I hate how people use that to excuse themselves when they fall short somehow.

Sigh....I feel for you, but you deserve to finally heal. And you have to do this for you, your brother may very well stay in denial, and there are ways that people like to hang onto some denial. I have expressed one way by sharing with you how my husband lessons his part in abusing me. Well, it is not very nice, but people Do do that.

Do not accept any of this behavior. You deserve to let out what hurt you and have that be respected.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes