I feel like I have nothing.

I have nobody to talk to, no friends, no family to rely on, I am broke, jobless, soon I might even lose the Internet, so I won’t even have PC. Just fought with my therapist on the phone and almost hung up on her.

All I would like, all I want from someone, is to have some level of emotional support. Instead of someone saying, “No, you’re wrong, think like this…,” maybe someone could hug me and say, “It’s okay…I am here,” for once. Moreover, nobody has hugged me in like 3 years.

But, no, instead superficial and shallow people the world over won’t come within a 10 foot radius of me because apparently I am not a very good catch for a friend or as a person. I apologize for the inconveniences I cause others for existing, and to women because I am not the most confident, sexy, and charismatic person, failing the most “basic requirements,” that instead I am scarred all around my body from abuse, have difficulties with communication, and have self-esteem issues.

After all these years of nobody caring about me, of abuse, bankruptcy, depression, and loneliness, I have fragile hope for the future that is difficult to maintain, so it is a challenge for me to think that, hey, maybe in 20 years things will be different, maybe some magical things will happen and maybe even a woman will be able to tolerate me or find something good about me.

I am in a difficult place right now and I wish someone was here beside me that cared about me and understood how I was feeling.