good ideas, thank you. and i really appreciate the support. i don't have anyone to talk to in rl, other than pdocs and t's. i have this boyfriend, finally told him this morning. we don't live together, he came by because i've been "missing" (ignoring maybe) his calls. and he was pressing with asking where older son is, so i told him minimal details... but he's pretty much unsupportive, just said "oh what did he go all manic?" yea what a jerk, i know. anyway, my son is doing well, we had a long visit last night. he's newly on probation, so i spoke with the officer and she is going to talk to my son and tell him he's court mandated to take the meds, and to not drink or do drugs, be home by curfew, etc. And yes, when he takes the meds, he doesn't have episodes. so they're pretty necessary right now. thanks guys, it means so much to me that you're here for me, even when i know you've all got stuff going on too. thanks.