3 tuesdays ago i had a breakdown in the office i thought was due to anxiety. i didnt leave the house for 5 days and barely left my room. the next monday and tuesday i went to work but it was torturous and it took all my energy to hold myself together. i didnt get anything done. after that i started working from home, but my concentration was shot there too. just thinking about the office would send me into a panic attack. monday i talked with my boss on the phone and he agreed to let me work from home for a while. i thought that would make things better. but tuesday i completely lost it and ended up on a suicide hotline chat and seriously concidered going to the hospital. wednesday i saw pdoc and he gave me ativan which makes me feel emotionless and outside of time. but thats an improvement. i had to get lithium levels done before he will change my meds. i talked to my boss again and im going on short term disability. i cant work at all and lying about getting stuff done is making my anxiety worse, especially with a deadline coming up. im ok today but the ativan is making me hallucinate a little. benzos always make me psychotic, i just have to decide how much i can take before i go back to depression.