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Aug 16, 2012, 06:50 PM
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Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 76,893
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I've really confused about whether or not am truly bipolar. I was dx PTSD, DID, not sure if that was with anxiety or if the anxiety is part of the PTSD, but I had major depression. I've had episodes of depression since I was 9, at least 9 was the first time I thought about killing myself. I was acting strange enough that my parents took my to the clinic but since no one asked me any thing I did not get dx back then(the 60's) flash-forward I'm 27, or 28 and they tell me I have all of the abouve and give me anti-depressive meds. Because I was very underweight they decided to go with the older tricyclic in the hopes I would gain weight, and benzos. I became psychotic and o/d on all my meds. They give me anti psychotics and different tricyclic, I get manic and they try again, I get a seizors disorder from the od and they tell me I'm bipolar and add lithium. I try again. This routine pretty much takes my life away for 7-10 years and I finally leave the state and stop all medication.
I'm still getting therapy but I refuse to take any anti depressants. About three years ago despite the fact my Psych Advance Directive states NO antidepressants a intern thats subbing prescribes a antidepressant(yes I know-I should have been watching and looking up what I was being given) I became manic and the first time in 12 years or so I end up in the hospital.
I say I have major depression with medicine induced mania, the Dr's keep saying I have bipolar?
In all that time off medicine or only on benzos and propranal I was never manic except the time I was on an antidepressant. Has anyone had any experience with this or run across anyone else who has had a problem with this? I don't ever want to end up like I did for that period I time when I was doped up on psych meds with no life, just in and out of hospitals. Somebody told me it doesn't matter, but my fear is Dr's who think bi polars have to be medicated and I've been doing good except for two bouts with depression. I don't understand how becoming manic from a pill proves I'm bipolar? 
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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