SPECULATION:

You want your T to support you 100% against your Mom.
Even the slightest hesitation on her part makes you think she's siding with Mom, and you hate that. You feel betrayed. And from that point T can do nothing right.

PS: When I feel like that, I say I am paranoid. But my T saw only my anger, not my fear. I had to spell it out.

from what you've said, this is going to be some of the most powerfully emotional stuff you've ever dealt with ... no wonder it's hard! it's such a massive mess of things for you to walk through and most likely going to bring all kinds of emotions to the surface and cause all kind of confusion; but from what you said writing about the time with T has helped and let you process things a bit

After reading this, the twisted part of me feels like maybe she was trying to trigger you a little bit on purpose in a gentle way to get your juices flowing when you work in the book some more. I have to figure out how to articulate what exactly I mean-then Ill try to respond again. Hugs hugs hugs.

yeah I hate when they say, YOU have to figure it out. Don't they realize it can take some of us like 30 years? That's too slow! Well, maybe they DID say it, and I just couldn't hear it. Bear to hear it. Couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe they were that dumb, that ignorant, that judgmental, that petty. But they (ie FOO) were. I kept thinking the T's were saying that I had to accept something about the FOO, something that would make me wrong and them right, but I couldn't accept that I was wrong, nor could I figure out wtf that resolution could possibly be!

I think your talking about work set the theme for the session, about being prepared for every eventuality, about handling everything perfectly - so why not THIS?

But how do you have an "authentic" r/s with someone who can only see you as a figment of their imagination? I always thought my mother was like Marilyn Monroe - she would transform herself for work every night, fix her hair and put on rouge and red lipstick and frankly be unrecognizable from what went INTO the bathroom an hour before. I think she's been waiting for my similar transformation, but I never became THAT person, that LADY-daughter she expected would hatch out of nowhere - maybe from reading a 'TEEN magazine

maybe working so hard on this book and in T is bringing up all these emotions up and you are having a hard time seperating them from feelings about your T. i know i would get all angry and mixed up.this is why i had to stop reading that book.

just wondering has your T ever read that book