im sure we all have been on both sides, we have not only been attacked but offended too, and have ourselves attacked someone and offended someone as well, there is a thing i sometimes try to do when i have time to reflect, i try to think of at least 3 possible reasons why they may have said what they did, before i react, it doesnt always work, i forget and dont feel like it, but it helps me find a reason to feel guilty at least, for not giving them the benefit of the doubt, i hope you find forgiveness and peace