Hi Hemorren, welcome to pc
yes, as far as i can tell the bp roller coaster is pointless. goes in circles and circles, like rides do... but please don't believe you'll never amount to anything with it. ( i do feel that way too to be honest, but it eventually seems to pass ) many people have good productive times in between episodes, and many people make great art during episodes, etc. bp may be your burden, but it may also give you gifts, insights, experiences most can't comprehend, maybe makes you more tolerant and kind because of the suffering. i'm just sayin, i don't really know what i'm sayin, it's 2am... but i know life keeps having a new suprise around the corner. hopefully you can share here and there, learn and teach, nurture yourself and grow. and somehow we're all going to get through all this stuff. oh yea, and eat & sleep seem to be important too.