Welcome to posting. First, watch out for that ativan withdrawal...it can and will get serious. You need to go off of it very slowly. Cold Turkey with this stuff can have long term side effects. Take the pill and talk to your doc about titrating off of it. (the withdrawal doesn't hit you until 3-5 days after taking the last pill)

I frequently waver between trust and non-trust. I think it's the nature of the beast.