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Crescent Moon · Aug 17, 2012, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by button30

So its only my second appt with her so we are still sussing each other out. She asked how I was after last week, I smiled and said ok, she said no really, how were you after? I told her not so good. She asked did I reflect on what we discussed, I said "yes".
So then we got down to business, She asked how I felt about hiding my sexuality from my parents, I said "fine, its really none of their business!"
She then pried further and asked how I got on with them....not this is a very tricky subject for me as I have a complicated relationship with them. There is no llove pr hugs or communication in my house especially when I was growing up. T was v surprised, I told her about how my mam was with me( she basically ignores everything I say, provokes me, she is emotionally unavailable and sometimes pysically hurts me) I never told anyone all of this... T told me to look her in the eye, she said Button, did you discuss this with your last T? I said we skimmed over the no commmunication and no love part. T shook her head, she said Button this is very serious, your mam is very sick lady, its not normal to treat her children like this, she needs help. Please consider moving out and getting away from her abuse. I was like What.. abuse, thats just my mam, she has always been like tht, T looked at me with her big blue eyes and said, this is not a healthy place for you, you have done nothing wrong, you are so used to the abuse you don't see it anymore...I am worried for your safety.
Anyway we discussed this for most of the session, I was always wondering what was wrong with my mother but never mentioned it to anyone, she needs help. T told me that she is a mother and would never even dream of speaking or treating her daughter like that.
I am very upset, I am used to her behaviour and its not that bad, I think T was over reacting a bit, she said I should confront my mother about her behaviour. I said no way as I was scared how she would react, she said if your mam hits you or is violent ring 911...I feel really confused about all of this as I don't think its abuse.

Although I personally might think it's a little early in the relationship to 'go there,' I think your therapist is really and truly telling you what is true. Abuse does not have to be somebody getting bloodied with a stick and sent to the ER. Abuse doesn't have to be getting hit at all. And it is also very, very hard for someone who has grown up in a situation like that to recognize abuse as abuse, because it's all they've ever known, and since they aren't physically injured to the point they're in the ER, they think it is not abuse.

Did you know that emotional neglect is considered abuse? Children need more than just food, clothes and shelter to grow into healthy adults.

I know it might be hard to hear, and you certainly don't have to act on your therapist's suggestion right away, but just let it sit, and keep discussing it. She might see how you're negatively affected, and is rightly concerned about how much progress you'll be able to make if you're in an environment where the work she does with you is taken apart by your mother between sessions.

Take good care..