I've already started a thread in the BPD forum, but I want to introduce myself here. I'm almost 18 years old, but I've been struggling with depression and BPD symptoms for the past 2 years. I recently went to a psychiatrist who believes I have BPD, early onset... you really can't be officially diagnosed with a personality disorder, according to what I've read, until adulthood, but many know it's possible to have a 'childhood' form of any disorder [eg, dependency, bipolar, etc.].

Both of my parents left me at some point in my life. My dad, never around to begin with but making a lot of half-hearted attempts to spend time with me; my mom, caught in a web of abusive relationships and a terrible marriage that took her away from me. I've never fully recovered from what my family has done to me, and I strongly believe that lack of structure has lead to most of my BPD issues... especially with men, and imagining abandonment. I can't have, most of the time, normal and healthy relationships with other people; the littlest things make me feel rejected or brushed off by other people. I feel like I never have enough, of anything - comfort, food, warmth, love, affection, security especially, and also success in what I do.

Right now I'm trying to find a new psych and therapist. The biggest issues I struggle with are impulsivity [eg, the need to SI or indulge in my ED behaviors if something goes wrong], rejection/abandonment problems, unexpected and intense feelings of sadness and/or rage, and a very unstable sense of self. I have some other core BPD symptoms but these are the ones that truly ruin my life... Although I suffer with probable BPD, I do have some happy moments in life. But at the same time, I think of it as - it hurts even more having those happy moments with people you love or doing what you love, since you know it's all going to come to an end, eventually. That's the hardest part.

Anyway - I hope we can all get to know each other here, and provide support to one another. I'm praying in the near future for an official diagnosis also, so I'll let everyone know how it goes. I hope everyone here is doing well. You're all in my thoughts.

XXOO