It's really big of you to admit that it was wrong to go back to your old ways. That's a major step in recovery, to acknowledge that you should not have done it... but everyone makes mistakes. It's cliche but, thinking that makes me feel better when I indulge in an SI behavior after going a long time without doing it. And usually when I give myself a break I can go for longer periods of time in-between SI behavior and normal behavior. I hope you are OK. Just try to stay strong.