*warning*mention of csa(I think there should be a warning, I don't know)

I was sitting with my T the other night and talking about my relationship with my father and T asked me if I thought my father ever sexually abused me. I didn't answer because I didn't know why he would ask that(and I don't know if he did, I don't remember him doing anything but I don't know). I feel angry that my T would ask me and I don't even want to bring it up to him because I feel it was not appropriate of him to ask. I have never told my T that I thought there was any possibility of my father doing that. My fathers crazy and I dislike him enough without my T asking me if he was a molester because I don't go to therapy to trash-talk my parents.

I've been very close to my T for awhile and it makes me uncomfortable that he would come out and ask something like that. I feel so angry and I know I should talk to him about this but I don't think my anger is justified.. all I keep thinking is that my T must think badly of me. I've been obsessing over his question since he asked. I'm so sick of the invasive-ness of therapy. My T doesn't even talk that much but somehow things get dragged up from the grave all the time. Therapy keeps getting harder... my emotions and feelings are very intense... they're unbearable. I've been in therapy for a long time and although my depression and my problems have "gotten a lot better than they were" I feel like I have more problems than I did when I started. It's one problem after another. Once I think I'm OK, I find another issue to tear me up inside. I ****in hate therapy. My ****in T has me hooked, it's like a ****in addiction. I want out but the feelings are too intense, it's like they're wrapped around my throat and I can't get loose without choking myself.

I just want to cry. Therapy is so ****in stupid. I don't even know how it's suppoed to help in the long run. Initially it seemed so helpful but everything collapsed and I'm trying to do the work in therapy, I'm trying to do the right thing but everything hurts so much.. I want to be better. I don't want to NEED therapy anymore. I'm so sick of it but I can't stop.