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BlueInanna: Thank you for the support. I know the post is hard to respond to, I guess, in part to my stubbornness. And the fact that I was really out of my head worrying when I posted this. *sigh* I do try my best to at least keep aware of what I wreak, whether it's for the best or for the worst. It's just difficult when mania sets in... I'm probably going to have to bite the bullet & pursue a psychotherapist a little harder.
genetic: The mania is what sets me off -- I'm usually, for all intents & purposes, incredibly well-behaved & considerate (at least to my boyfriend) until I get manic. That's why I was posting here. I've read the books but they don't really say anything meaningful... It's pretty much summed up into they destroy everything they touch, they will never recover, & stay away from them. All in all, useless. But I appreciate the notion of attempting to assist me.
h-b: I've had conduct disorder problems since I was 4 & had multiple stints of visiting the school psychologist. When I looked into a file of a family therapist (once he was out of the room), he called me "probable antisocial, narc & hist features". And the only psychiatrist I visited dx'd me ocpd because I was being unkind to him! Lol. Regardless, it seems to fit me better than borderline. All of my borderline traits really fall into my mixed or manic spells.
I don't look forward to being officially dx'd really... It could probably ruin any future I have of a successful career. They would probably say that my psychosis is malingering rather than something to be concerned about. But why not?! </sarcasm> Thank you though. I just ****ing despise that I have to pick the better of two evils & both routes lead to my own destruction.
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