I have to get this off my chest.

A little about myself first: I'm 25 years old, have been married for over 3 years and have no children. I appear "normal" in every aspect of that word. I have an okay job, I'm middle class, not overly happy nor overly depressed. People who know me would classify me as a "good person"

I've been having an affair with a married man for almost 2 years now. He already had a little child when we first met and he and his wife recently had another baby. We met online on a game site and we just casually chatted for a while until our conversations became more intimate. Six months after meeting online, we met in person and hit it off wonderfully. We live far away from each other and only see one another occasionally, though we talk everyday.

I am married to a wonderful man, though I was never happy in my marriage from the very beginning. He is loyal and wants to take care of me and I know he loves me. For some reason, I can not make myself feel attracted to him at all and if I could financially afford to divorce and live on my own, I would strongly consider it. I know he would be devastated if he learned of my affair and I really despise what I've done to him, as well as what I've done to my lover's wife, but I can't seem to let go him.

My lover has become my best friend and deep down I want to be with him permanently, but he has told me from the very beginning of our affair that he loves his wife and children and that he will never leave them for me. I'm not happy with our circumstances, but I just tolerate my life as it is now and look forward to the times that I can be with him.

I don't really even know why I'm on this site and typing it all out for the public. I'm just not able to talk to any of my friends or family about it, as they would be so shocked and disappointed in me. I am totally not someone who would be suspected of having an affair. I just know that it is draining on me to keep this secret all bottled up so I've decided to let it out online.

If anyone has any words for me, I'd appreciate it.