Well, that is definitely a fair question. Actually, my eyes watered up a bit when I read it. Its like I know how wrong the affair is in my mind. I mean there is no question. I've realized that I'm more selfish and pathetic than I ever thought I could be, and yet I still don't feel like I can give him up. I absolutely adore him and live for the times that we spend together.

I apparently am really messed up.