I can understand your frustrations at not being about to talk about your problems, or get anyone to listen/understand - I'm going through something similar myself right now, so I hope my advice will at least offer you some help, or a starting point, or even just some comfort that there are people who will listen and want to help you.

I wonder: did writing all that down on this forum give you any sense of relief at all? Just that, I find, when I'm feeling really stressed and full of thoughts and pain and find myself talking to myself, essentially as though there's someone listening, I find that if I sit down with a notebook and pen and just write it all down (and I mean all, whatever thoughts come into your head no matter how strange/irrelevant/harmful you might think they are) until I literally run out of things to say - and then I close the book and breathe for a while. I find that writing it all down is incredibly theraputic. And don't panic if you, once with pen in had you think "I can't think of what to say!" - Just write that down! Literally, write whatever it is you are thinking until you feel your head is truly empty!

- Then, once some time has passed (don't read it all straight away, try to leave it at least until the next day, longer if you can), have a look over what you wrote. It's a great way of helping you organise your thoughts (particularly when everything seems to be racing and crashing down around you).
- I would also suggest, that you do actually write that letter to your mother, even if you don't send it - just physically writing it might help you to figure out what you want to say, or how you really feel about everything.

I can't really offer any advice on an online chat in canada, as I live in the UK, but I think talking on here is a good start! There is a live chat with sessions with the therapists which could be helpful to you, maybe start there?

I hope this has been helpful to you, and I hope you get the help you need and start to feel better soon

M_V x