Yep, Tomi's absolutely right. My kids still bring up the fact that they were kept awake nights while we fought. I'd give anything to take those memories away from them, but I can't. Better to prevent it from happening in the first place.

The money or nicer house that they might have while being in a two-income family is no substitute for the peace and harmony that comes from leaving an unhealthy relationship. Yes, shuffling them back and forth is hard. My ex and I actually considered renting a small apartment that we would share and the kids would stay at the house. We'd be the ones shuttling back and forth and they'd always be in the same environment. It sounds good in theory, and maybe it could work for some couples, but if you're both trying to date and form new relationships, having that shared space, even when you aren't there simultaneously, could be really awkward. We decided against it at the time. Then his new g/f moved in, so now it's not an option at all.

Good luck with whatever you do, but there have been a lot of us on one or both ends of this situation (me, I've been on both ends, my mom staying with my verbally abusive first stepdad, and me staying in my marriage because I was afraid he could follow through with his threats of taking the kids away), and it just doesn't work and isn't healthy.

If you can be amicable and decide that you're going to share the house but form separate lives, great, but I don't know of anyone who's actually done that.