Thanks - I agree with Pat, too. And I *am* standing up for myself - that's what started the fight the other night. I didn't obey her mandate that I change my plans to accommodate her preference to do what worked best for her kids. That's when she unleashed the accusation that I am selfish and inflexible because I refuse to budge on the big plans, such as my wedding, the party this past weekend, and a bike ride to meet a friend who was riding across the country - I had planned two months earlier which conflicted with her last-minute request that I chauffeur her 1 hour away so that my stepbrother wouldn't have to go through the hassle of picking her up.

What I am contemplating is whether I need to be inflexible about the LITTLE things. 'Inflexible' to me means that I am never willing to compromise. I don't see myself that way, but I am trying to see where there might be any truth to wht she is saying. I would be doing our relationship a disservice if I didn't at least think about it.

So the current dilemma is: pick battles wisely, versus set her expectations that bailing on me is only okay under life-or-death situations.

Do you see what I mean? What do you think?