I understand. It's a catch-22.

But I don't understand why it's a hassle for her son to come get her but not for you to make the same trip? She's ditching you for him, and you're supposed to be OK with making it happen?

Maybe it's more a matter of letting them know your feelings matter as much as anyone else's and that it shouldn't be expected that you're the first one to rearrange plans to accommodate everyone else.

I'm not seeing this first hand, so I know I'm missing a lot of the dynamics of the situation. It still seems awfully lopsided though.

I still agree most with Tomi - if she prefers the company of her sons over you and S., she should plan on staying with them and seeing you when it's convenient, instead of taking advantage of your hospitality. I know she complains about staying in hotels too, but that's HER issue, not yours. Yes, she's family and family should get a little more leeway, a LITTLE. She seems to be getting way more than a little. It's unfair that you completely inconvenience your and S's life for weeks on end just to keep a very minimal amount of peace in the parent/child relationship.

Edited out husband's name.