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So, I'm having some trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and I really don't know what to do anymore.
My mom died about 3 months ago, and I haven't been the same since. Before she died, I would be hooked on video games. I would do nothing besides eat, go to school, play video games, and sleep.
Shortly after she died, I told myself it's time to get back in touch with the world, and get out of the house. I spent the next few weeks finishing school and preparing for summer. During summer I still played a game here and there, but I was never hooked. I went on vacation in the first few weeks of July to visit my grandmother in Germany, on my dad's side. We do this every year, because we really do believe family is everything.
When I got back from Germany, I was home for a week. In that week I spent a lot of time with friends, and a lot of time on my video games (again). I realized that I'm going back to where I was before, but validated it with "There's nothing else to do".
After that week, I left to visit my brother for 3 weeks in Mississippi. In those three weeks, I did quite a lot of drinking, smoking (cigarettes), and drug use (marijuana, cocaine, speed, MDMA). We validated this as it's our last summer before he starts his career, so we should make it count. We also spread our mothers ashes at the beach, as she requested. While I was with my brother, I noticed I really wanted to succeed when I returned. I want to do good in school, go to college, and get my dream job.
Since I returned on Tuesday, I noticed I'm getting more and more irritable, frustrated, worried, upset, depressed, and in general pissed off with the world. I've noticed a lot of changes in my behavior. I eat less and less, and then gorge in one meal. I rarely pay attention to my hygiene. I haven't changed clothes since Tuesday. I sleep 13-15 hours, instead of my usual 6-10 hours. I can't find satisfaction with anything I do, including my hobbies. I can't bring myself to program, or even touch my computer, for fear of being sucked into video games. I can cook, but my I don't really enjoy my favorite meals. I can barely work out anymore, because I just don't have the energy to lift, run, or do anything anymore.
I'm also dreading my return to school, which normally I enjoy. I know a lot of people at school. While they are my friends, I only really have 2 or 3 real friends. Making new serious friends is hard, because everyone has their cliques, and I generally roam from clique to clique.
So really, I'm just looking for a way to pass the time until I can be at a point where I can be calm and myself again. I want to enjoy the things I like!
The main reason I'm posting, is I really don't know what to do anymore. I've lost interest before in my hobbies, but I quickly blow it off and enjoy life again. The problem is, it's been longer than normal for a "blow off" and I'm worried this is coming from the depression phase of coping.
If anybody has any suggestions to get through this phase, or stories they can share, I'd greatly appreciate it.
(I'm sorry about the long post, but it's a lot I needed to unload)
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