i'm also picking up on some guilt here. LMo, you have nothing to feel guilty about. you made plans, she didn't respect them. end of story. if guilt is to be laid, i (ethel) lay it on her.

people can pick their battles. however, it's like tangoing. sometimes the other warrior isn't even in the battle. it's like tilting at windmills.

i totally understand about your wanting to be loved. i have been in that situation with my mom. it took FIVE years of therapy to finally understand that she wasn't going to give what i wanted. and i was about your age when i did all of that work. i just needed her respect, compassion AND love.

i finally set boundaries and she accepted them and at times, grudgingly, went along with them.

and my sister that is next to me, is meaner than an old black snake to me. my boundary with her is to never see her. and i hate that. i love her. but i don't love the way she treats me.

do you feel loved when you're getting the short end of the stick. i just want you to find a happy medium that keeps you at ease and her at bay. you cannot change people. and keeping her at bay means not tromping all over your feelings and degrading your husband. that sort of stuff.

can you imagine how much five years of therapy (i drove 200 miles roundtrip for it) cost us? and i really did think that i could change my mother.

i never changed her. i changed me.