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kindatwiztid: Meds can't always help everything & being hospitalized is only a temporary solution. Have you seen a competent psychotherapist longterm at any point? Maybe there is an underlying trauma leading to your homocidal thoughts. Oftentimes people can dissociate to separate ourselves from things that scare us, which might be why it feels so "unreal". Maybe it would be worth a try? Different things help different people... Since meds haven't done anything, maybe it's time for a new approach. It's much better to find the problems underneath & fix them than just mending the outer shell.
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