I know it is really, really hard but try to stick with it. If you feel you arent making progress, speak with your T. If it is too hard to talk about, try to write everything down SOC and make a copy for your T. Honey, it took me over 20 years to even be able to say the word. It is a hideous crime as it takes away so much from us. I understand.

I felt my security, trust, goodness, well-being, self esteem and boundaries were stolen from me...emotionally, physically, and socially. I also blamed myself for ages and stopped trusting myself to make wise decisions and good choices. I also felt as if somehow my body was broken ... that inside I was just charred black. Sad but true...the stress took such a toll on me that 10 years after the incident, I was admitted to the ER from an ulcer attack i was only in my late 20s / early 30s.

The specialist came in to speak with me after the endoscopy and was terrific and had a great sense of humor. He told me that my stomach looked like the surface of the moon and asked what I could possibly be so worried about at my age :embarrassed:

He took a biopsy and asked me if I wanted to see it...i reluctantly said "yes" thinking it would be a piece of black that was pulled from inside of me. It was pink and pretty actually (i am sorry if that sounds disgusting).

I was shocked! I couldnt believe it came from me! I even told him that. He didnt know why I was crying. I never told him the real reason.

I do understand and I can relate...you are not alone. It takes time to recover. And as I learned from my friends and family that were totally unsupportive, even longer to find your footing again.
But it does get better. Things wont be the same, but it does get better. Please feel free to PM me anytime. I am here and I get it

Hugs to you,
R