I must admit I was really surprised by all the responses, it means a lot. I am not sure what exactly I am going to do yet, but all the posts have given me a lot to think about.

My DH and I have been married for almost 13 years, and during the last year and a half he has had an affair. It has ended, but my DH refused to talk about it or even say he is sorry. Luckly this has happend when I was already in therapy.

Well over the weekend I told him we are not having sex (recently he started to want me again, after no sex for 1 1/2 years) until he gets some disease testing done, and therapy for him. He still hasn't replied yet to this.

Our marriage has a had a lot of problems, with his mother, and his 3 older kids, ex wife, but we have gotten through them, but this is different. I believe my feelings for him has changed. I am very hurt and angry right now.

He is a wonderful father and my kids 10, 11 adore him. I have seen what divorse does to kids due to my stepkids and it isn't good even in the best of situations. I just don't see puting my needs and happiness over my kids happiness. Right now we are the major influences on their life, when they are older, they start to form their independence and the parents become less of an influence. I am thinking of waiting until at least my kids are in high school (3 years) before doing anything. I am newly enrolled myself in college and will be finished in 3 years, but if I get a divorse, I would have to give up the school. Plus I homeschool my kids (we live in a very bad school area), and I am afraid I would have to go to work full time with insurance and they would have to attend a poor school. I due plan on having them attend high school which would be in 3 years. This would mean a lot of changes for my kids.

My T supports me waiting, since I am not in a dangerous situation or anything. But he doesn't want me to stay in a dead marriage because he says I will lose myself and become angry at the world. I am starting to get my own life on track, and feel I will be stronger and better be able to handle everything.

I always told my DH that if he ever cheated on me I would leave, but now that I have kids, things have changed . I told him that I am staying married to him for the sake of the kids. He does agree with me about not messing up their life (then why did he have an affair to begin with?) . I guess I will see what he is going to do in the next couple of weeks, he says he wants a 2nd chance. But with all the pain of rejection over the last 1 1/2 years, my feelings for him has changed and I don't know if I will ever trust him again. So I guess I am between a rock and a hard place.
Well I want to thank all of you for your advice, this is an awesome website!
Hugs,
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