My wife has had a lifelong battle with addiction(opiods post -op/not her fault, meth/her ex's fault?, and still with alcohol) and depression. We both moved to where we currently live 3 1/2 years ago and she has slowly deteriorated psychologically over that time. She drinks too much when she drinks, gets violent, destructive and even delusional. I have a high profile position in our community, am well respected and sought out. She has begun feeling like she lives in my shadow, like she isn't important into her own right. I try to tell her and show her she is, but it is like she cannot hear me. Last night she left here drunk, I still do not have the details, ended up in the local ER, and I found her in a psych ward 80 miles away this morning. My field is not psychiatry or psychology, but I think she has some sort of alcohol induced psychosis as she is like a Jekyll and Hyde when she drinks??? Depression is hard to live with, but raving violence is another. Trying to talk to her about not drinking only incites her. Have tried the,"Alcohol is a depressant, and you are already depressed" thing fell flat even. My wife is no dummy...she is intelligent...creative...articulate...and the love of my life. I was co-dependent to her for too long(making excuses, biting my tongue, letting all of her verbal abuse roll-off). I just tried to love her more and be more understanding. How do I help build her confidence? How do I get her to hear me? How do I best love her? Do I stay sweet and understanding and hope she gets better? Do I get tough and draw the line like "Quit drinking, get in a 12 step, get on meds, and listen to what I am saying" and refuse to back down? I am sure if I get tough or forceful she'll run-away, and I am afraid of what will happen to her then? Of course, she is telling the counselors it is my fault right now, but it isn't my fault it is the profession(small rural town professional where 3/4 of the folks in a 50 mile radius are clients and I am good at what I do and sought out). I get why it makes her feel small, but don't know how to help her. One of the counselors actually asked her why she tries to have a job and just doesn't stay home and be a homemaker! To a woman with confidence and self-esteem issues that feels like she is a shadow! They are following her around with a little clipboard writing down every word she says and staring at her both great things for someone feeling self-conscious. After 24 hours they have done nothing more than give her Ativan and keep her sedated, then try to come in and have a "session". Like she will make good sense then. What do I do? Sorry to be so windy...shoulda made 4 or 5 posts, but the frustration is boiling over...
Thanks...