What does your marriage therapist say? Does he/she have a direction in therapy for you two?

Good for you to work so hard on this, jxk65. I'm glad to hear your wife is working on some stuff too. I liked Nicole's suggestion about your wife getting individual therapy too. It sounds like she has things to work on independent of the marriage problems. Whether or not you come closer right away in marriage therapy, you can work on communication skills such as listening, not bristling and getting defensive, speaking to each other using "I statements", not blaming, being direct, not making assumptions, etc. I like the communication model described in the book Non-violent Communication. Your marriage T may use a different model. Good luck!