Hello bqp.....Sorry you've had some hard times. Sounds like things have been pretty confusing. Diagnosis of mood disorders, etc. is a very complicated issue, and should be left to experts in these matters.....probably beginning with a physician, who can formulate a treatment plan if need be, possibly to include talk therapy and ~or other options. While what you express may sound like this, or sound like that to people here, asking for answers from fellow posters, despite the fact that we care, is a risky thing to do, IF you are substituting their ideas for a medical diagnosis. Best wishes and I hope you will feel better asap....