It is possible. I often wish I could be in a social "class." Somebody there to teach me what to say or how to just deal with the dumb thoughts occuring at the time of a social occasion. I need to be taught how to recognize my own actions and read other people better. How to feel less stress around people.

My brain tells me that my cousins all love me as I am and I know that. They are all sweet to me. I just personally feel inadequate and I have no similarities in life to them. I do not have the ability to book trips for my family to go on. I do not have money to buy a new truck. I don't have the standard Monday to Friday work shifts so I can party with them on Friday nights. Heck, I don't have the income to party every Friday night. I couldn't take my sons to karate classes or piano lessons, or send them to March Break down in Florida with their friends. So I withdrew.So, eventhough my relatives love me, I still did not feel comfortable around them.

I have much education but little experience and lots of anger toward employers for that reason. I don't trust men for the reasons stated. I fear judgment of any kind...interviews, exams, assessments, application processes....anything that involves some sort of acceptance or rejection, failure or passing.

The most frustrating part is that I know what caused my distorted thoughts. I know that my thoughts are distorted. I know that my own decisions are recreating my own problems. However, I have no idea how to treat it or resolve it or control it. I am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds....but that just covers the feelings. It does not control the thoughts. I know that not all men are out to hurt me. However, I cannot control the sense of fear and self protection that hits me if a man is simply friendly to me. I must send out vibes that say leave me alone. Men don't approach me anymore. and somehow, I feel comforted in that but still lonely...wishing I did not feel this way.