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There are all too many causes of loneliness that it has become an epidemic. One cause that often goes entirely unconsidered is Asperger’s Syndrome. Aspergers loneliness affects people with this disorder in drastic ways. Since people with Asperger’s syndrome deal with its repercussions for life, it becomes overbearingly difficult to control the loneliness that results from it.
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I'm one of those that don't feel lonely. That is because I was always able to make friends, friends I find interesting. Even when I didn't mix with people much for a year in a new city, I communicated with old friends through mail. These days I like my Internet friends, some I have known for more than a decade. I don't have many real life friends, but I have them as well.
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First of all, persons with Asperger’s have so much trouble with normal social interaction that they often do not attempt it or they find only failure when they do. People living with this syndrome find that people will usually form many misconceptions about them: they are distant, unemotional, arrogant, or excessive.
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I don't mind that so much. Sometimes I actually think I AM arrogant at times. I try not to be, and I faked it so much that I feel I'm losing myself.
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Asperger’s syndrome may cause a person to go off on a subject of great interest to them, leaving out context and explanations and without paying attention to the audience’s interest. The person does not often make eye contact, seeming impersonal, and does not read other people’s body language or social cues to see how their words are being received. Also, the person does not look to make it a two-sided conversation, coming across as arrogant and uncaring about the perspective of others.
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Some people don't "allow" me to ask back. Some people seem to want to put me in the position where they ask me things, and I cannot ask back unless I really break their stream of words. It's not only on my part. They realize they can get away from having to contribute by trying to trigger me to talk about my stuff. I'm basically never told I go on about my stuff, because I limit it. I do wait for answers, I communicate rather than speak at. Only time is when I feel I'm lecturing is when I explain a fact, and it sounds.... lecturing. Sigh.
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Additionally, a person with Asperger’s is likely to have irregular patterns of speech, using words in idiosyncratic, metaphoric, or generally abnormal fashion that makes their interactions awkward, to say the least. Clumsiness is also often associated with this condition, furthering the person’s lack of confidence in social situations.
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I'm socially clumsy because I am and because I allow it. I don't mind being different and sometime I use "not understanding" so I can just stop playing the "game" which I can play if I put my mind to it. But I notice some people actually appreciate a bit of fresh air. So I select situations where I don't censor myself. I also don't speak in metaphors, I speak mostly in absolutes.
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Because it is so difficult for other people to relate with a person who has Asperger’s syndrome, the person often is unable to form friendships. Children and teens suffer this more extensively, but even adults have not been able to learn coping strategies and remain alone.
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Childhood was quite OK, so is adult life. Teens were the hardest to mix with as a teen myself, since normal teens are hyperfocused on socializing, and cut back drastically on content. They overdo the socializing stuff to find a balance later in life. Kids are in a way, "more" autistic in their style of communicating.
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People with asperger loneliness often feel the choice is to be alone and lonely or to sacrifice parts of themselves in order to conform to how society expects them to be. They feel abnormal and as if there is no way “normal” people will ever understand them or relate to them. To have this syndrome increases the likelihood that the person feels that no one wants to bother with their eccentricities, and if they did want to bother, they would have to work hard at it, climb a mountain, so to speak, in order to understand him or her.
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I have realized that sacrificing who you are, really isn't worth it. I'm not saying you should be rude on purpose or anything like that, but I refuse to blend in where I don't want to blend in. Who I am is very important to me. I do feel other people might have a problem understanding me, especially my emotions, but I think it is a lack of practice and sometimes laziness on their behalf. Almost daily I have to practice THEIR types of communication, so I know them better than they know me. Since they are many, I will just have to accept it. I don't feel inferior in any way.
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In all, aspergers loneliness can become a way of life for afflicted people. Instead of working to overcome it, they will throw themselves into other interests and ignore social activity altogether. They may attempt social interaction and then give up on it, or they may only put up with it when they have to, and then retreat into solitude as soon as possible. Maybe one day others will understand them, so they might believe. Unfortunately, many feel so lonely that there is no more belief that it will change.
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I socialize when I want to and sometimes when I don't want to as well. I need time to myself. I wouldn't want the "normal" type of socializing, like getting drunk and annoying in a bar. I don't want to perfect that since I really would dislike it, I don't say I would fail it, just not interested. We have much more fun at, say, my night classes. Usually a lot of interesting and funny people show up.
This is just from MY OWN perspective. I don't feel lonely because.. I don't. I feel sometimes it is a shame people don't understand me, that can feel lonely I suppose. But I have realized there aren't people like me, not even on the spectrum. I mostly hang out with people with ADHD, we seem to complement each other well and we have fun. Even when true understanding is lacking.