Hello, and thank you for posting. So sorry that you're suffering. Sounds like you're dealing with a lot of really difficult things. I don't see any clues in your post as to your age, whether or not you've ever consulted someone about the issues you mention, or for how long you've been having these kind of thoughts ~feelings. So, with all that said.....First of all, you have enough to deal with without adding worries about what other people think to the pile. Maybe, if you have not yet been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or some other mood disorder by a physician, and started on a treatment plan (whether it be meds, talk therapy, a combination, etc.)....perhaps it may not be the time yet to share everything with your friends. Sounds like you're in a rather fragile state (believe me I've been there many, many times), and unfortunately people who have no personal knowledge of these things can make you feel even worse with the ways they might respond. And it's often not a matter of whether they care about you or not....sadly these issues can be an awkward thing for a lot of people to deal with And btw, you have no idea how much I am speaking from the heart on this. Won't go into details here....but please trust me, as a situation with the loss of my best friend is what brought me here. And just one more thought about this. It doesn't mean that later on you couldn't share all your info with your friends, just perhaps not when you're feeling so vulnerable? JMO. And btw, you are NOT pathetic, and depression IS a dramatic thing! Anyway, not to be repetitive, 'cause I already kind of mentioned this, but I do so hope, if you haven't already, that you will reach out to a caring doctor who will start you on the road to getting an accurate diagnosis as to what exactly you're dealing with and start you on the road to feeling better. Warmest wishes and hopes for better times.....