I hope things get better for you! I sense there must be some hope because you are still here posting, hoping to feel better at least? Have you tried a support group for people with MI? It is a place where you can at least be accepted for who you are. You may even be able to develop some friends there who understand what you are going through. I don't know anything about your situation and this may not be an option, but just thought I'd throw it out there. Thanks for posting!