I'm starting to think I've never "gotten over" my depression, not even a little.

It's like I fool myself, when things work out I feel good so I tell myself I'm happy, but faking it exhausts me and I end up falling right back into a depression that feels even worse than the one before.

I feel like it will never get better and if it does, it won't last.
I wish life wasn't so hard. I feel alone. I just want to curl up and cry but if I start, I'll be up all night crying and won't be able to stop.