I had a really bad night . . . but I figured out what I want to be when I'm healed. I want to be able to say I'm a virgin and not have it be a lie. Is that really weird? I'm asexual and wanted to stay celibate my whole life, but I didn't get the chance.

I rang the Samaritans last night because I had a panic attack, and the guy I happened to speak to was horrible. Like, he told me that I was being "silly" for putting so much value on virginity, he accused me of enjoying what happened, and he tried to explain that women can get pregnant (the words "fallopian tube" may have been involved), and I got into an argument with him about how hymens aren't useful to mark virginity and all I want is to recognise my body again and to feel mentally innocent. It was bizarre, and also kind of offensive and condescending.