First off: Thanks for helping me shed some light and look inward. I'm very confused as to whats going on, and you bring up some good points. To be honest, I'm not sure if I was ever truly sociable and friendly, or I was just being that way to get something from someone. ie: sex, drugs, drinks at the bar. Even though I feel like it's been a sudden onset, I don't think thats accurate.

I kind of got to the point where I was tired of putting up a front for people. My "closest friends" were people that smoked weed. I didn't want to pay for it, so I would hang out with them strictly to smoke weed. We've never, ever had a meaningful conversation. It was all surface talk. Looking back, I don't miss their friendship at all, because I was just using them. I wonder if this is because of depression, or something else. I'm curious to find out, but to be honest I don't want treatment. I just kind of want an answer one way or the other.

You could be 100% accurate when it comes to depression.. But I was in a relationship a few years back.. and I used to use my "depression" as a way to keep her from leaving. I would tell her if she left I would kill myself in order to get sympathy. Whereas now I contemplate it for a similar reason. I want people to think they could have done more to help me. That letting me shut everyone out emotionally for the past few years was wrong.