My answer to this question could get very long. I've had experiences with at least 6 different T's, and I'm not sure whether to lump them all together or go through this for each, or just answer for the current one. My perspective has changed dramatically this last year as (1) I finally started to break free of the depression that never had let me too far out of its grip through my whole life and (2) the notion hit me that I always wanted to go into the field of psychology but never thought I could before, actually decided to go for it and took classes this year with that objective in mind (and learned a lot about theories and techniques involved in counseling). How should I start - I guess I will assign them each a number.

How you found yours, did you shop around?
(1) I was 19 years old, it was my first year away from home, and that winter got pretty bad. One of my roommates referred me to the university's student counseling center, where I was assigned to a counselor.
(2) The next winter - pretty bad again - roommates hated me and were emotionally abusive - church leader referred me to a private, church-run counseling agency, where I was assigned to a counselor there.
(3) Not quite a year later - my senior year - I had gotten married, became involved with goats/running a dairy, was trying to complete a B.A. in 2 majors, both pretty demanding, plus a minor and a departmental honors program involving a thesis. Starting to sense that my professors and clinical supervisors didn't like me or think that I was good enough - went back to the student counseling center and was selected to participate in a social skills group.
(4) About 6 months later - after the shock of not getting accepted to the Master's program in Speech Pathology, trying to figure out what to do with my life since my plans had been shattered. I decided to try the Psychology department's student clinic, where I was assigned to a graduate student clinician.

See a pattern here? I never had much say as to who I went to for therapy. Neither did it occur to me that I should have any choice.

(5) New city, about 3 1/2 years later - I was the mother of a 2 year old and an infant. A preschool volunteer turned me in to DCFS (because she didn't like me because I told her grandson to stop running off with my lock from my gate), reporting that my daughter had diaper rash. I had no friends or social contact with anyone who didn't wear diapers pretty much, and was completly devasted. It was a small town with limited resources. Since I was again referred by a church leader, I was sent to the only therapist in town (actually he travelled and was there every other week or so) who was a member of the same religion.

(6) A few years later - now a mother of 3, I wanted to be making some contribution to the family income but since I didn't get a useful degree in college and never had resolved that issue, didn't feel like I was worth anything. Went through vocational rehabilitation (where my husband happens to work) and was given a choice of psychologists for the first time ever! I chose one I knew a little bit, since he had attended things like office Christmas parties and I had a good feeling about him.

What the first appt was like?

With all of them I was extremely nervous and really had no idea what to talk about or where to stop. All of them asked various questions - most didn't ask the right questions, and thus didn't get the right answers either. I didn't feel like I had any control, and didn't know that there was a problem with that. #6 was actually took the time to do a full assessment, whereas the others just jumped in with the first session in a 45 minute slot. #6 had a diagnostic questionaire that I filled out before the evaluation, so I had time to write down my answers and the issues that I was concerned about. Then he discussed my answers with me, besides using several other assessments. I remember him telling me that he was trying to "get inside my head." It took maybe 3 or 4 hours. Even though I was so nervous, for the first time I felt like somebody really took the time and made the effort to understand me, and succeeded.

When did you know it clicked, or not?
(1-5) It never clicked. I never felt comfortable with any of them or trusted them. I'm not sure they knew how uncomfortable I was, and I didn't know that therapy could be any different. #3 was much better - I did like him although that was a group, and I was uncomfortable about the group setting.
(6) First session (evaluation).

Male or female selection and why?

All male except for #4. I was traumatized by the experience with her and avoided female therapists after that.

Age difference and did it matter?

The entire range. (1) was middle-aged; (2), (3), & (5) - 30's; (4) very young - about my age at the time; (6) 60's - twice my age.

I had less confidence in the very young and inexperienced clinician. I think that having at least some life experience is a plus, although I would like to think that I could work with a younger counselor who demonstrated that they were knowlegable and had enough experience and skill to be understanding and helpful. Age has gotten in the way somewhat with #6 also, at least in dealing with one of my issues. I was not able to explain having a foreshortened sense of future to him because he called me young and given his age, I didn't feel like I was in a position to argue with him.

Their personal style...open, warm, formal,stiff, etc.

Most have been pretty informal. #2 and #3 were rather more formal, and that made #2 seem unreachable, but with #3 his level of formality was just about right, and probably helped me to feel more secure about him than some of the others.

Type of therapy; CBT, psychoanalytic, eclectic (little bit of everything), couples, group, who-knows-it-helps, etc.

I wasn't able to determine a style or theoretical orientation with most of them. They probably all consider themselves eclectic, but even eclectic therapists tend to lean towards one or more theories or styles that they draw from the most. All individual therapy with the exception of #3. I consider #6 to be predominantly humanistic, and I like most of the ideas behind humanistic counseling, but I really could have used more structure and direction - he pretty much just left the time up to me to plan and decide how I wanted to use it, and towards the end we were more discussing what I was learning in my classes than anything else. It didn't seem like therapy anymore.

Transference issues, if any

#3 is very good-looking (I'm not the only one to say that - some people in one of my current classes have taken classes from him and comment on how nice he is to look at! I was surprised to find that I felt a few pangs of jealousy!). But it wasn't an issue. I was married. He was married. I honestly didn't think about it at the time at all.

I wish that #6 would just adopt me. He is very definitely a father-type figure to me, and that is probably appropriate. Then there is also the issue of that we could have been friends if I hadn't been a client. He even came over for dinner a couple of times as an associate of my husband's, but hasn't accepted a dinner invitation now for a long time. I'm not in therapy anymore (due to political issues related to his working relationship with my husband), and although I correspond with him using e-mail, I really miss him. I wish that he could be part of my life.

How long you've been going
(1) 10 sessions and he said I was all better
(2) It was several weeks - probably about 4-6 sessions or something like that. I walked out and never made contact with him again after a bad confrontation in which he threw the cutting incident I had told him aout a few weeks before in my face, accusing me of pretty much making it up (I believed it was a suicide attempt but now understand it was more of a suicidal gesture - it was the first time I had cut myself with a blade), and he also told me that getting married was a bad idea for me.
(3) Maybe about 8 weekly group sessions. The group ended when Christmas break started, and never started up again.
(4) Probably 3-4 sessions. She was always late and the last time she didn't show up. Besides that she was very unprofessional (wore shorts which showed the tattoos all over her legs, had lots of body piercings, ...) and all she did was question me about sex. My answers were apparently not juicy enough for her and she acted incredulous and kept repeating the same questions. We never even got to what was going on in my life at the time and what I needed help with. I simply never scheduled another session after her no show.
(5) I think that was about 6 months (every other week). He said I was enough better to stop, but left me with an assignment to try to make some friends. (I had not made any progress in that area).
(6) Off and on over a few years. It was about a year after the evaluation before approval came through for therapy. Then about 6 months of sessions every other week and he cancelled 3 times in a row and I gave up and stopped rescheduling. A year and a half after that I had another crisis and went back, went for 8 or 9 months, made a lot of progress, but I really didn't feel like we were finished. It was getting weird when I was towards the end of my interviewing and counseling class, and found myself analysing his style and the techniques he was using.

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

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