i swear, i don't know if i can go on like this...it always happens, i always think i'm getting better and then something happens and i find myself struggling with this horrible pain-in-the-neck of an illness that is dsythymia. Stuff this world its screwed me over, i figure i might as well cut i can't do worse to myself than its already done to me. and i feel so bad for wanting to do this to myself b/c i have so much going for me. sometimes i think maybe before i was created God said "oh this one looks promising...she's going to be born with brains, good looks and supreme athletic abilities...but we can't have her getting too full off herself, so we'll have give her a huge chemical imbalance and a completely incompetent mother just to balance things out"...i should not have gone to see my parents during the holidays, itself just dragging me down again when i was doing so well.