Thanks for the timely attachment/dependence post, and from a muggle no less

I Took the TEST:

1. You don't feel like you have to email or call your therapist for every little "crisis" that comes up. FAIL

2. If you do email your therapist, you can allow some passage of time without hearing from them before thinking the worse. Can't email n/a

3. You don't get jealous when your therapist talks about other patients or their own family members. PASS, I don't get jealous

4. You don't stalk them. When the session is over, you don't hang around afterwards. Hang around afterwords? Like how would you pull that off? I leave right after session, a few times quickly. PASS

5. They don't have to be absolutely perfect all the time for you to think they like you. They can disagree with you or express disapproval about your behavior without you concluding they hate you. FAIL What if he disapproves and then terminates you?

6. You aren't constantly thinking they are going to fire you. FAIL

7. Your mind doesn't instantly turn to suicide at the thought of them not being around. PASS it doesn't instantly

8. You are comfortable showing progress and getting better. You are more interested in your own wellness than being pitiable to your therapist. PASS/FAIL I have shown progress, but have also shown interest in being pitiable (?). POSSIBLY, the pitiable part is/are real emotions that the T took as looking for attention. Now that's pitiable.

9. You don't alter your life just so you can keep seeing your therapist. If you get a job offer in another state, you don't decline it just because you're afraid of losing your therapist. PASS it didn't happen to me.

Some of these I have struggled with. I deal with #1 more often than I'd like to admit. I have been guilty of #4, #7, and #8 (manufactured crisis anyone?) at some point in time. I try not to beat myself up over it, though.

(Steps on soap box)
My question is, what is at the root cause of dependency? My T would say I"m dependent, okay why is that? One just doesn't decide to be dependent one day because it would be fun or anything right? I think we should be able to work through our, okay I'll say it, dependency issues, without shame, without a timeline, and without expectations coming from the therapist. (The therapist can guide the patient.) The patient is learning how to attach and become more independent, so each step to me is the result of working through dependency, not necessarily did the independence come about from working toward those goals. Once we can accept ourselves as dependent, worriers of firing, etc., is when we can become whole. AND THAT, in my opinion is what it is all about. ( not the hokie pokie, sorry)