I hate my father, and I can't seem to get rid of that hate. I have tried not to hate him many times, but it doesn't work. I've never really had a good relationship with him... I can remember that when I was a child, I always was happy when he had to leave town for business. I feel like I have always hated him and that hate just continues to grow. I don't even know why or when I started hating him either. I know some things that make me hate him more: pretty much everything his says and does. But, I often wish for him to die, even though I know it would destroy any chance of a future for me. I have even gone so far as to scheme of ways to kill him, but I won't because I don't have a 100% chance of not being caught. I know that is terrible...
I also always link him subconsciously to being a pervert or worse. And I hate myself whenever I sound like him, and because I look a bit like him... I hate him so much that I sometimes have cut myself out of complete disgust. I wish my mother had gotten a divorce and left him and that he died.
BLAH, I just needed to say that...