Okay, here is the story.

My son has bi-polar and it seems to be getting worse. It's untreateded and he does a lot of alcohol and weed. He is out of control. My basement and garage are trashed, broken glass everywhere. Stuff thrown, mayhem. He assaulted my youngest. He moved out yesterday but still has some things here. He is absolutely delusional nuts right now. He took my grand puppy, the dacshund and I don't feel they can or will care for him.

The sherriffs department is looking for him with papers. I have no idea.... He had arraignment on dui today. Again have no idea. Don't want to be around him, don't trust him, don't like him. He has trashed my home in a year's time or less. I walked into his room tonight and got glass in my foot. I am going to finish emptying it and let daughter get started with painting and plastering, again.

I have 4 holes in walls and the siding damaged from him throwing a sledge hammer at it. "wood siding" I have bills I can't afford because I just kept enabling him. I have garbage mixed in with my Holly Hocks in back. His smelly chickens are here and half of them are genetically engineered meat birds that if they are not killed soon will get broken legs nad die. We are vegetarians here.

Came home to no food for his chickens and ducks, either pen, and the goats locked out of the barn because they kept getting at the chicken feed. Too bad.

My lungs have been ill, my youngest has had relapse with ocd and my middle was afraid to be around son.

taxes are a year behind, bills up the wazoo and no income.

I feel like a horrid parent to my son. I feel guilty and angry at the same time.

My new little girl got burned on the moped the other day. I had nothing for children meds.

I feel loving toward this child, and as though she is mine. I want to protect her. She will eventually be ours but the state is so messed up right now I could scream. Worse then when we started this 20 years ago. It is an act of unselfish love and I wish that all children could be cherished.

My son was cherished, adored. I am confused. I have two very responsible girls, both who has been through such crap and still move on. I am awed.

I always wanted to have kids and protect them and worship them etc.